Newsflash!!: Chicago Leads Nation in Fertilizer Production

That’s right folks!

Chicago is now the nation’s leading producer of fertilizer … both in quality as well as quantity!!!! And … we’re not talking about that granular dry inorganic stuff. We’re talking about prime, rich, high nitrogen organic fertilizer!!!

Yes!!!

Manure!!!

This Chicago manure puts your average cow manure or chicken poop to shame. Now, everyone know that chicken manure is high in nitrogen and needs to be used sparingly.

This manure is so potent that it’s rumored that it is going to resolve the pending world food crisis as well as be a boon for producing biofuels, relieving America’s dependence of foreign oil imports and its effect on money is going to markedly stimulate America’s flagging economy, ward off recession and abolish the need for the government to print or mint money.

Why … a farmer I knew back home raised chickens and sold eggs at Fort Benning. When those chickens had aged beyond good laying age, they were shipped to a nearby soup factory for “reprocessing” into Campbell’s or something like that. When the chicken houses were emptied he went in with a small tractor and pushed all that chicken poop out into a pile, loaded it on a honey cart and spread it over his fields. Combined with irrigation from a nearby river he had the highest corn yield in the county, typically from 150 to 200 bushels of corn per acre … and that was in the bad years.

Well, this Chicago manure is more potent than chicken manure. It’s more potent than horse manure. Everyone knows you have to be careful with horse manure or it will burn your crops from too much nitrogen.

This Chicago manure is more potent than either chicken or horse manure … and can be used for more things than growing crops.

Why … Barack Obama applied just a tad to that $85,000 that Tony Rezko gave him and … Poof!!! … it became $250,000. Now, that’s good manure … versatile!

Why … I even heard that Barack decided to stand in some of that fertilizer one night … and shazaaammm!! … the next day he was an expert in Foreign Affairs.

It has been rumored that Barack likes this fertilizer … manure … so much that he’s been spreading it like crazy in Pennsylvania. He’s going to give the people of Pennsylvania a portion of his manure and raise them out of poverty and despair. Go Barack!! I have heard that it even makes people willing to give up their guns, relinquish religion, love illegal immigrants and open their back doors to peddlers from all over the world. That is some manure. And it’s sweet!! It cures the “bitters”.

But … like all good things … it does have its downside. Be careful. It can make you prone to speak “out of context” … as Barack has found out.

I think I’m going to head on over to Lowe’s or Home Depot and see if I can find some of this “fertilizer”. I especially like what it does to money. I suppose, if they don’t have it yet, I might still be able to find some at the local feed and seed. It’s probably worth full retail.

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